To go, or not to go?

Beloved readers..

Lately I have pondered much upon what being a missionary actually means. We know they go out in the world, testifying of Jesus Christ. We know they do what they can to spread the fulfilling joy they feel in their hearts, as a result of believing in Him, and obeying His commandments. Yet I wonder.. What makes a missionary?

Today I have just come home from a stake conference. It was an experience that filled me with joy in many ways. The testimonies of those people who so willingly shared their feelings with us truly touched my heart. It's amazing how much simple words can move ones soul.

Our leaders often tell us to have a question at heart when coming, or listening, to a conference. I had a few questions in mind this time. One of them being wether I should serve a mission or not. The first day was filled with such strong testimonies about missionary work that I felt torn to pieces. Half of me yearns to serve the Lord. Of course I want others to feel the tremendous joy I feel through this gospel. Of course I'd like to share it. But it's scary. And I think that's something many can relate to. Deciding to go on a mission is in many cases a very difficult decision, and there are so many things that need to be considered before making that final decision.

So when I listened to these wonderful people, I felt somewhat insignificant. I don't know if I have what it takes to serve a mission. I don't know if I could ever actually do it, however much I want to. So that evening I kneeled down and prayed silently in my heart, and asked the Lord to teach me more about what I should do, and what tasks He had for me. I felt a strong need to find my purpose. This morning I woke up, hoping that maybe I would learn more during that last meeting of the conference, before I had to go home again. I didn't. Nothing that was said during the meeting helped me understand more.

Though as many of you may know, God works in mysterious ways. He didn't give me an answer during the meeting. But after, I met a women who told me something that made me realize that there are many ways to be a missionary. Her kind words helped me understand that being who I am, and doing the things that I do, is the same as being a missionary. I received an answer to my prayer through her. As a member of this church, I stand as a representative of Jesus Christ. I should live my life to be worthy of the name I took upon me the day I got baptized. That day, I took upon myself the name of Christ. And it is part of my duty to live worthily of that..

As I stand forth to testify of what I believe in, wether it be in small or great things, I am a missionary. I always have been, and I will always spend my life striving to be a good example of our Savior. Being a missionary is not a task to be fulfilled in two years (or one and a half in my case). It's a full time job. And it's a job I will always do, in reverence and gratefulness. I love the gospel. I would never want to be without it. I love our Savior Jesus Christ, and our beloved Father in heaven. There is no work more valuable to me, than to stand as a witness for them.

To share my testimony with the world.

Joy to the World - David Archuleta and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Today I only wish to share with you a song that I love very much. I'm hoping you will enjoy it, and that it will bring you the same joy that it brings to my heart. Have a great month filled with love and happiness! May this year bring the best christmas of them all.. :)

His greatest gift

I've grown up in a family with six children, which have been something I consider myself to be very lucky for. I can't say I know all my siblings as well as I should (and want to) know them, but I love them. Sure we've had our fights, but there are good moments to weigh up for it. Like the times we spent gathered around the piano, when my mom would play primary songs and we would all sing together. I still remember how happy I felt at those moments. They are moments we shared together as a loving family.

As I grew older I've thought a lot about the role my parents play here. They have not only provided for us throughout it all, but they have been moral support. They have been trying their best to teach us to choose the right, live righteously, love those around us, and have faith in the Lord. They have taught us to take care of not only ourselves, but also those whom we love. This is something I truly admire them for.

I've never seen a greater example of a perfect couple, working together as one. Constantly taking care of the other, and showing by example how we should love one another. Another quality I've always admired in them is how they've raised us. I've always known they'd be there for me no matter what. I've always known that they'll support me and help me with everything they have to offer.
My mother have always been especially inspiring in this. I've grown up with her telling me over and over again that "all that is mine, is yours". I cannot express how much I've valued these simple words. They have taught me a lot about not only what I should strive to be like, but also what my heavenly Father feel for me.

Knowing my parents, I've learned that they would do anything to keep they're children safe, and to help them when they're in pain. I've learned and seen how much they wish they could take our struggles away and take them upon themselves to make life easier for their little ones. As I then think about our heavenly father and his son, Jesus Christ, I feel deeply touched by the sacrifice God made. Our Father willingly watched his son suffer for our sins. He endured watching him take upon himself the sins of every single individual that had lived, were living, and would live on this planet. I can't imagine the sorrow the Lord must have felt at this time. And not only did he watch one son go through so much pain, but he's watching us going through many of the same things during our lives. How hard mustn't it be to see ones children go through so much pain?

I'm truly grateful for the many ways our Father shows us his love for us, constantly leading us on our way. He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to earth, not only to save us from our sins, but to set the perfect example. To show us what we needed to do to return to our heavenly Father again. He gave us the scriptures to help us remember what to do and how to live. He gave us prophets to guide us on our way. He gave us a family. He gave me my family. A loving family to help me find the way.

I know and testify that God loves each and every one of us. I know that He gives us everything He could possibly give us to help us on our way. There is nothing He wouldn't want to do to help us return into His loving arms. Remember this, my dear readers, He knows you, and loves you for who you are.
I say an testify of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

It's just a book.. Right?

Dear readers..

Today I would like to share with you an experience that has been life changing for me, in so many ways that I can't possibly describe it all in words. But I will start from the beginning, and hopefully be able to make some sense of it.

I used to be the outsider of society. Never had many friends, never truly accepted wherever I went, and truly invisible. I can indeed say I was like a grey mouse, always hiding and never to be seen. for years I got bullied and pestered, for what reason you may ask? I do not know. Life was always a challenge, and it wasn't always so easy to get through the day.

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I've grown up learning gospel principles from the moment I was born. I quickly came to learn of the power of prayer and faith combined, and knew from the age of 5 that prayer truly worked. Since then I tried to understand more of the gospel, and tried my best to live accordingly to God's commandments. The knowledge that I earned during the time I grew up, turned out to be the only thing sustaining me through all those years of bullying. I knew my heavenly Father would never put me through such challenges unless it was for a reason. I knew that He was testing my faith in Him, and that He let me go through those things because it would strengthen me, and help me later on.

This turned out to be true. As I endured my struggles in faith, I grew and learned things that I would not have known if I hadn't gone through those years of pain. I learned that the Lord would always be there to listen. I knew that He would comfort me in my sorrows. I knew that He would fight my struggles with me, and hold my hand as I walked down the path that was so difficult for me to handle on my own. I came to understand that He loves me, and that He would stand by me no matter what.

When I started high school, we moved to another city. I was terrified. There was no guarantee the bullying would stop just because we moved, but I hoped with all my heart that it would. Moving turned out to be a great experience. I've come to know many new people whom have shown me love and kindness.

Though the bullying stopped, my heart was still broken. I did not believe in myself. I was insecure. I was alone. I was not capable of trusting anyone with my heart. I realized how much of me that had been lost during those years of bullying. Finally I could see that I had been hiding myself from the world in so many ways that I could hardly even see who I was myself.

So I started doing what I could to attempt finding myself again. For a year I practiced my faith in a hope that it would give me the peace I needed to heal my soul. As I did this I figured it was time for me to start reading the Book of Mormon. I had heard countless people tell me how important it was, but never really understanding why. I mean.. It was just a book.. Right?

I knew from before that I was no good at reading the scriptures. I had tried countless times to make a habit of reading a little each day, but it seemed an impossible task. I still remember the countless evenings when I would be THIS close to falling asleep, and then suddenly remembering that I had not yet read the scriptures that day. It was horrifying. Dragging myself out of bed every night just to read a few verses seemed completely pointless to me. So I stopped trying and just relied on the testimonies of my parents, who claimed the book to be true. I'm not saying I didn't believe it was true, but I couldn't say that I knew it, simply because I'd never read it.

In the summer of 2012 I got to know a young man who baffled me. He obviously had a strong testimony about the Book of Mormon. He had taken the time to read through the book, with help from his parents, even before he got baptized. (For those of you who wonder, we get baptized at the age of 8 in this church, because we believe small children to be without sin, because they don't truly understand the difference between right and wrong.) Just this fact alone was enough for me to be surprised. But that was not all. This man had read the whole book approximately 7 times! I could hardly believe it. He was only 17 years old!! I felt ashamed when I learned that on top of that, he had read the scriptures EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past 1000 days. believe me, that's hard. Though all of this was highly inspiring to me, it was not what convinced me to read the book for myself. The last day we spent together, we shared our testimonies with each other. I can still remember the sound of his voice saying, and I quote; "I love the Book of Mormon". Don't get me wrong, I've heard those words a hundred times before. What touched me so greatly with those words, was the amount of emotions displayed as he said it. I have never heard anyone say those six words with such honesty before. It touched my soul deeply. Deeply enough to make me start reading a chapter every day since then.

Now over a year have passed by since then, and I discovered something strange. I came to realize one evening as I sat alone in my room, that I had changed dramatically during this last year. I could not understand how it had happened. I feel confident today. I feel valuable. I am no longer invisible, and I am happy. Where on earth did that come from? I've always considered my life to be filled with misery, and yet now I'm happy? I could not for the life of me understand what had happened. I'm too stubborn to change easily, so I knew that something had to have had an affect on me. Something that had made me change for the better.

As I thought about when this change started, I understood that it began the day I started studying the Book of Mormon every day. It brought to mind a verse in Alma, chapter 5 verse 26: "And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can you feel so now?"

I have truly felt this change in my heart, and I know now that the Book of Mormon truly is a book that is meant to guide us. I did not expect this book to change me. It never crossed my mind! But the truth of it have helped me become the person I wanted to be. It helped me fight my fears, become confident by the power of faith, and it helped me overcome my struggles. Beloved readers, I can finally say these beautiful simple words myself. I love the Book of Mormon. I testify with all the strength of my soul that it is true. I know that Christ truly is our savior, and that He loves us. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.