To go, or not to go?

Beloved readers..

Lately I have pondered much upon what being a missionary actually means. We know they go out in the world, testifying of Jesus Christ. We know they do what they can to spread the fulfilling joy they feel in their hearts, as a result of believing in Him, and obeying His commandments. Yet I wonder.. What makes a missionary?

Today I have just come home from a stake conference. It was an experience that filled me with joy in many ways. The testimonies of those people who so willingly shared their feelings with us truly touched my heart. It's amazing how much simple words can move ones soul.

Our leaders often tell us to have a question at heart when coming, or listening, to a conference. I had a few questions in mind this time. One of them being wether I should serve a mission or not. The first day was filled with such strong testimonies about missionary work that I felt torn to pieces. Half of me yearns to serve the Lord. Of course I want others to feel the tremendous joy I feel through this gospel. Of course I'd like to share it. But it's scary. And I think that's something many can relate to. Deciding to go on a mission is in many cases a very difficult decision, and there are so many things that need to be considered before making that final decision.

So when I listened to these wonderful people, I felt somewhat insignificant. I don't know if I have what it takes to serve a mission. I don't know if I could ever actually do it, however much I want to. So that evening I kneeled down and prayed silently in my heart, and asked the Lord to teach me more about what I should do, and what tasks He had for me. I felt a strong need to find my purpose. This morning I woke up, hoping that maybe I would learn more during that last meeting of the conference, before I had to go home again. I didn't. Nothing that was said during the meeting helped me understand more.

Though as many of you may know, God works in mysterious ways. He didn't give me an answer during the meeting. But after, I met a women who told me something that made me realize that there are many ways to be a missionary. Her kind words helped me understand that being who I am, and doing the things that I do, is the same as being a missionary. I received an answer to my prayer through her. As a member of this church, I stand as a representative of Jesus Christ. I should live my life to be worthy of the name I took upon me the day I got baptized. That day, I took upon myself the name of Christ. And it is part of my duty to live worthily of that..

As I stand forth to testify of what I believe in, wether it be in small or great things, I am a missionary. I always have been, and I will always spend my life striving to be a good example of our Savior. Being a missionary is not a task to be fulfilled in two years (or one and a half in my case). It's a full time job. And it's a job I will always do, in reverence and gratefulness. I love the gospel. I would never want to be without it. I love our Savior Jesus Christ, and our beloved Father in heaven. There is no work more valuable to me, than to stand as a witness for them.

To share my testimony with the world.